Let fear fuel you

Imposter syndrome, not sketching and the power of curiosity on creativity

I’m a bad illustrator…

Who packed an array of materials to sketch on holiday and didn’t sketch once?… Guilty!

I often see illustrators fill sketchbooks with much ease on their travels. I’m not one of them. I love sketch-booking, but I do find it a difficult muscle to flex.

Simply observe

I felt immense guilt for not thinking about work and having zero urge to draw. Us creatives put pressure on ourselves to constantly be producing something when sometimes our tiresome little noggins crave simply observing, absorbing and reflecting.

A creative will always be thinking creatively, it’s imbedded in our DNA, but a creative can only be at rest when they accept that not every thought needs an outcome. I explored, gathered colour palettes in picture form and had conversations with strangers and loved ones that may or may not inspire future creations - either way, I’m okay with that.

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The need for fear

Before I fleeted off I was invited to hold a workshop for Primary 4 and 5 pupils (aged 7 - 9) to the lead up of World Book Day. They wanted to get the kids excited about storytelling. Since my job is storytelling through drawings this seemed fitting… then imposter syndrome kicked in.

Having never had my work “published” in a picture book (I’ve worked with folk self publishing but it never quite amounted to something on a shelf) I genuinely felt like an imposter. Did I really have anything useful to impart onto such impressionable little beings? Will the teachers question who the heck I am? Will a kid cry and tear their drawing up in front of me (I use to do this a lot as a child… and adult).

The scenarios in my head had me drafting a polite decline email. Then, at the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of an old family photo on my bookshelf. I was around 5 years old in this picture. As I reminisced I noticed all my fondest memories were linked to creativity and art. A small yet vivid memory such as painting in my Godmothers studio that I relive every time paint touches paper. Who’s to say if that memory was the start line to this creative trajectory. I wanted to give at least one pupil their start point.

I researched a lot about creative learning and its impact on brain development beforehand because 1. I’m fascinated by psychology, neuroscience and neuroplasticity 2. I wanted to build activities that engaged the children and left them feeling encouraged. Alas, no amount of planning can prepare you for a day with children *tips hat to all teachers*.

Deep in the depths of imposter syndrome, something magical happened that snapped me back into the present. Children drew and shared so openly (albeit some more than others) with little to no doubt. They had a beautiful ability to delve into deep curiosity, to ask openly for help and welcome advice with enthusiasm. I was reminded that children are the most creative amongst us all. Their egos are still as little as them and they find awe in things adults take for granted. I arrived in the hope to impart wisdom and departed feeling humbled.

Photography by St Georges Junior School

Amongst the beautiful compliments and conquering fears that day, nothing will stay with me more than the words one pupil said when asked what they learnt that day:

“I learnt that I don’t need things to be perfect. Not to give up because… we’re all creative”

Fair to say I shed a happy tear when I got home.

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Imposter syndrome is given negative connotations. Much like many “negative” traits and mental barriers - it can be fuel. It’s just choosing the right engine to supply with that fuel.

Lovely souls, I shall love you and leave you for now,

Chiara xoxo