Make yourself feel small
Hello lovely souls, a little bonus newsletter. I’ve decided that I’m going to dedicate more time to documenting bits on here… so let’s go on a trip.
Disconnect
I had a glorious little weekend away. It was only when I got back that I realised I really struggle to rest. This year has felt strange. I’ve felt a huge shift within myself. The more I try to understand it the more frustrated I get because I don’t think there is a definitive answer to what the shift is or why I feel a slight disconnect. I’m almost certain it’s because I’m an over thinker. I’m always looking for a deeper reason or analysis to everything. Honestly, sometimes my brain exhausts me.
The only way I can sum it up is conflicted. It’s like a game of never ending Ping-Pong is taking place within my little noggin. Decisions that should be easy seem impossible. Where pride should be felt, sabotage takes over. Where I know rest would be more productive, I feel guilty for stopping. It’s a bit of an ongoing tournament up in there.
Why do I tell you all this I hear you ask? Surely the name of my Substack says it all. I’m just hoping there is reassurance to be found in my over thinking.
Disconnect to reconnect
The trip was a gusty, cold and invigorating adventure in the Scottish Highlands. I kid you not, after an hour of arriving every single agonising, contrary thought miraculously fleeted out of my brain into the autumnal coloured horizons that surrounded us. Within 2 hours I had zero urge to check my phone. Within 3 hours I was breathing slower. Within 1 day my mind was still.
When your work relies heavily on social media it’s so easy to spend countless hours refreshing emails, answering dm’s, checking site insights. We begin to whittle our worth down to analytics and arbitrary figures. I often forget this can cause a huge feeling of disconnect. I had to disconnect from my digital world to reconnect with my real one.
It’s probably not that important
Look, don’t get me wrong we all have worries, anxieties and thoughts that loom over us.
It’s normal to get caught up in our own little worlds, fixating over (often) trivial matters. I think that’s why I get emotional looking at a mountain or gazing out at the sea. I’m reminded of how small I am. How liberating it is to give up control and preoccupation. It often takes something bigger, grander to come along and put us back in our place. For me that’s nature.
Colours of the Highlands
I don’t think we could’ve picked a better time to explore up North. Everywhere we turned hills were filled with amber and ochre hues. Lochs sparkled deep turquoises as the sun would set quickly into the evenings. I’ve always been a spring/summer chicken (I hate the cold), but there was something so rejuvenating about the crisp, cool air turning my extremities to little ice cubes.
It’s been a long time since I felt fully connected and emerged in painting. Inspired by my resources, I was genuinely excited to pick up a paintbrush.
I can’t say I’m the most adventurous with materials. I know what I enjoy working with and tend to stick with them. This year my work has been heavily digital based, I lost a sense of exploration and patience that is required when working with paint. Digital illustration has saved me many hours but it’s stolen many hours of doing what makes me feel at peace - painting.
At the beginning of this I mentioned “my brain exhausts me”, that I feel “conflicted” most of the time, and whilst this is still true, I’m reminded of how important stillness is. Stillness doesn’t mean stopping. In the Highlands everything felt so still, serene, quiet - but in actuality the landscapes were ever changing. We don’t have to appear busy to be productive or be loud to be heard. Sometimes we have to disappear into the horizon to see a little clearer. Sometimes we just need to feel small to feel great again.
Couldn’t agree more with everything said, so proud of how far you’ve come and YES that is a stunning print! But only sell it if you want to share it with the world!